I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Four minutes until I can fart!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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