I faked an abortion last night.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
