i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
