at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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