he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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