who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize