even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize