i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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