Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
A+ Viking dick
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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