why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
