Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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