Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
