OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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