and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
