I'm sorry my penis didn't work
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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