cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
