Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
