Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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