I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
