you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
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heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
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i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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