i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
