My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
