the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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