I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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