Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
