forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
