does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
