I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
