For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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