We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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