my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
