Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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