ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
