No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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