OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
