Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You ate ashes out of my bong
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
