Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
