I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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