Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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