Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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