Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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