I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
