yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
