Christians are straight up FREAKS
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
