i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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