so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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