Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
