You can't special order awesome
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He shit in the fireplace
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
