she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
