I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We have started to decorate penises.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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