R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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