ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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