Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
