You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize