The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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