24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
