when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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