ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
