i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
