THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
