wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she smelled like a LAN party
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
