someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
