he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
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I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
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I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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