I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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