I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
