you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
