fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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