don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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