I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Two words: nipple clamps
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