every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
