Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
