I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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