I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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