I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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