I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
