When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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