u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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