so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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