It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
