I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
someone threw a dead crab at me
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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